that's me stepping out of the spotlight

Mark 4
¹⁸Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; ¹⁹but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.

So let's just say for the sake of discussion that there's a boy I like who doesn't know Jesus. And let's say that in all my ridiculous, desperate attempts to get him to love me, I realize that I have an amazing opportunity to show him Christ. But I can't show him Jesus because I'm trying so ridiculously and desperately to get him to love me. My delusions are saying, "I really want him to love Jesus," while my actions are saying, "Forget Jesus. LOVE ME!"

This is really dangerous territory. It is one (terrible) thing when my worries cause me to be ungenerous with other Christians, who will be totally understanding and gracious. But it is another thing entirely when my selfish desires and fears put me in the spotlight when people are dying spiritually and need to see Christ.

And here's my confession for the day: I don't know how to get out of the way. I don't know what that looks like practically. Maybe it has something to do with being a writer and feeling such a personal connection with my own words, but I don't always know how to separate the messenger (me) from the message (Jesus). I don't know how to be the one who shares the Gospel and let it speak for itself at the same time. But I think the rest of Mark 4:1-20 holds a key to understanding.

We are the soil, the seed is the Gospel, the fruit is the manifestation of the Gospel's work in our lives, but there's one more thing: The crop grows. How does it go from a seed to a shoot to a full-grown crop? The soil merely provides an environment conducive to growth. And the seed, though it has the potential in its very DNA to become a crop, is only the first step in the process. In 1 Corinthians 3:6-7, Paul says, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."

Oh right. God is in charge. How easily I forget. It's His word, I'm His tool, that boy I like (for discussion's sake only, of course) is His soil, and any crops that are produced will be His too. When you put it that way, I completely forget that those worries and fears and psychoses even existed. Funny, I kind of forget about the romance part altogether because the Gospel is so much more important. In my life and in his.

Growing a Briar Patch

<sup>Mark 4

18</sup>Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; ¹⁹but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.

My Community Group finally, after a couple of great weeks doing other things, got around to studying Mark 4:1-20, a passage that has been punching me in the gut repeatedly of late. Take a moment to read the whole thing here, and then come back. It's cool. I'll wait... 

Now, ok, so Jesus is talking about how the Gospel affects different people's hearts/lives, and He's comparing the people to different kinds of soil. I think we've all been all the different kinds of soil at some point in our lives, and at this point for me, there are a lot of thorns and brambles (or as we kept calling them tonight, "brayambles"). My life is in a general state of upheaval at the moment, and it's a REALLY good, exciting time, but with all the changes come a lot of worries and desires for all kinds of things including, but not limited to: safety, comfort, convenience, a bank account in the black, and an Italian boyfriend.

The problem arises when I allow all of these things to hold a position of greater power than the Gospel. When I set up safety as an idol, for example, I'm not trusting that God is good no matter what my physical health is like, and I'm not letting Him show His goodness and love to me (or anyone else through me) because I'm too preoccupied with keeping myself safe.

That, I think, is what it means for worries and desires for other things to come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. It's not that the Gospel is too weak to break through those other things. It's that the soil (me) is nurturing the weeds and brambles (worry/idols) so that they grow while the word remains a tiny shoot, surrounded and strangled and overshadowed. 

Man, what a horrific lie! And what a pitiful little fake Gospel I'm believing in if it can't even stand up to my fear that I won't find an Italian boyfriend. That is not the Gospel at all. I don't know what that is, but the Gospel is that life conquered death, that love drove out fear, that God will always provide, and that Jesus chose me. So safety, convenience, worry and wealth can just suck it, although I'm not going to lie – I'd still like that Italian boyfriend. My desire for him is no match for Jesus's desire for me, though.

I'm going to try and get at this from a whole different angle tomorrow. Because it's been getting at me from all different angles, and I love it. Until then, adieu.

New Resolve and Experimentation

I once heard a pastor say that the Gospel is relevant in every situation, whether that means the situation can be redeemed by Jesus or that the truth and grace of God are evident in some aspect of it. I find myself thinking about this sometimes when I'm discouraged or simply bored with life – you know, when it's just easier to not notice the work that God is still constantly doing through the sacrificial death and resurrection of Christ.

Sometimes I go for days without even thinking about how incredible the Gospel is or thinking about it at all, really. I'd like that to change.

If it's true that the Gospel is alive and relevant to every situation every day, I want to experience it in every situation, every day. I want to see it, feel it, taste it, hear it, smell it, live it, and I want you to join me. I don't want to over-spiritualize everything, finding God's grace in the water temperature of my morning shower, but wherever God reveals Himself to me, I want to notice and share it with you.

I also want to invite you to share your daily Gospel experiences in the comments, or you can email me. I'd love a guest blog post every now and then.

Here we go!