that's me stepping out of the spotlight

Mark 4
¹⁸Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; ¹⁹but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.

So let's just say for the sake of discussion that there's a boy I like who doesn't know Jesus. And let's say that in all my ridiculous, desperate attempts to get him to love me, I realize that I have an amazing opportunity to show him Christ. But I can't show him Jesus because I'm trying so ridiculously and desperately to get him to love me. My delusions are saying, "I really want him to love Jesus," while my actions are saying, "Forget Jesus. LOVE ME!"

This is really dangerous territory. It is one (terrible) thing when my worries cause me to be ungenerous with other Christians, who will be totally understanding and gracious. But it is another thing entirely when my selfish desires and fears put me in the spotlight when people are dying spiritually and need to see Christ.

And here's my confession for the day: I don't know how to get out of the way. I don't know what that looks like practically. Maybe it has something to do with being a writer and feeling such a personal connection with my own words, but I don't always know how to separate the messenger (me) from the message (Jesus). I don't know how to be the one who shares the Gospel and let it speak for itself at the same time. But I think the rest of Mark 4:1-20 holds a key to understanding.

We are the soil, the seed is the Gospel, the fruit is the manifestation of the Gospel's work in our lives, but there's one more thing: The crop grows. How does it go from a seed to a shoot to a full-grown crop? The soil merely provides an environment conducive to growth. And the seed, though it has the potential in its very DNA to become a crop, is only the first step in the process. In 1 Corinthians 3:6-7, Paul says, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow."

Oh right. God is in charge. How easily I forget. It's His word, I'm His tool, that boy I like (for discussion's sake only, of course) is His soil, and any crops that are produced will be His too. When you put it that way, I completely forget that those worries and fears and psychoses even existed. Funny, I kind of forget about the romance part altogether because the Gospel is so much more important. In my life and in his.